How to Make Potato-Collard Green Hash

I made up a recipe basically and it came out pretty good. Here’s what you need”

3 pieces of turkey bacon
1/2 a medium white onion
a pinch of mustard powder, curry powder
2 cloves garlic
like half a bag of precut collard greens
like a tablespoon of olive oil
a bunch of salt and pepper
3 medium sized white potatoes, or you could def use some baby ones

Prep Time: 18 minutes? How many beers have you had?

ok.. so cut up them potatoes into niblets. Niblets are chunks, but think of them as niblets. Its going to make it work out better. If you peel the potatoes, you already ruined it. This is not that kind of recipe.

Ok, boil them niblets. Add some seasalt and black pepper into the boil.

When the niblets are getting close to being squishy, get a pan going with some hot olive oil and start sauteing/frying some cut up turkey bacon and thin sliced onion niblets. Add your garlic clove niblets.

Ok, now, poor some of the boil water into the pan of hot, cracklin’ various niblets. Do this before the onions get even close to getting blackened. As soon as they start to look translucent or even like wet and supple, add the potato niblet water.

Ok, so now you’ve got all this steam rising from your hot pan. I hope you didn’t add too much water, it should have been only like a half inch or so. If you added too much, do 20 push ups. This will give the water some time to steam off and will serve as a suitable punishment for you almost ruining everything. And it might make you feel like a cowboy or a kung fu master of some lesser known village.

4.5 (you should totally put some beer in there.)

Uh, ok, so now drain your tater niblets. They’re good. They’re fine. They need to hang out and just relax in a strainer. But this is no time for you to relax!

Watch that steamin niblet pan you’ve got going. Get up off the floor, who told you to do pushups? This is the time for action! Get some spices (cayenne? mustard powder? curry powder?) and a bunch of salt and pepper in there, and mix it all up so the spices enter the equation to a meaningful extent. Now, grab some handfuls of your chopped up collard greens and lay them all over the top of the other crap that is in the pan. Maybe put a bunch more salt and pepper on top, then put a lid on it.

Guess, what. You are now steaming them’s there collard greens. You are probably going to wish you’d put more in, because they shrink, and soon those potatoes are comin’ in and you want to keep things balanced, so go ahead and add some more greens like, now, before you fuck everything up.

Great job! Now, its been like 3 minutes, and you’ve stirred under that lid a couple times, to make sure nothing gets out of hand. you probably want a moderate temp now. Good, I’m glad to know you can operate the knobs on your stove. Now you dump your potato niblets in there on top of everything. Mash them in a little so they are not so racist. You want everyone involved in everyone else’s crap, and I am personifying the various niblets and also the greens at this point.

Now turn off the heat, put a lid on it, and consider for several moments what the hell you should do with your life. Perhaps contemplate an exquisite italian beauty who’s been haunting your dreams, or maybe take out the trash you lazy bum.

Hey welcome back to the recipe. Hopefully you did not get too caught up in all that pining. No, everything looks good here. Alright, you done good kid. You done good. Now, serve some of that up for yourself. You are in for a tasty, healthy dish that just might make you feel like a cowboy, cowgirl or a hill-people. I personally decided to eat it with chopsticks which is my habit lately, but really a fork is probably what it deserves. And maybe more salt. Salt to taste.

Enjoy! PS. I am pretty sure this meal is cheap. My bag of potatoes cost like 4 bucks, as did the turkey bacon and maybe the greens too. The potatoes could make this like 9 times, the greens maybe 2 or 3, and the bacon about 4. So, lets say you’ve got 1 bag of taters, 3 greens and 2 bacons. That’s 4 bucks, plus 12 bucks, plus 8 bucks. Plus say 2 bucks for onions. This makes 8 batches plus some scraps. So, 26 divided by 8 is like $3.25. And its good, and healthy.


4 thoughts on “How to Make Potato-Collard Green Hash

  1. I have all these ingredients handy, interestingly enough. Thanks for the recipe! Rock on wit yo bad self, Joe. 🙂

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